Month: May 2014

I am really proud to be working with the TV collective and their #itooammedia campaign. It is vital to look at diversity within the TV industry, to look at how people are treated, to address this and make positive change. Media should have a hugely diverse staff base, reflecting the diverse population of the UK.

Following on from the Harvard and Oxford campaigns we asked people of colour to tell us some of the things that had been said to them whilst working on production. These ranged from the ignorant to the downright racist. This video has been featured on the recent “diversity in TV” debate led by Lenny Henry and has been mentioned in numerous newspapers. Please check out the great work that the TV collective do and get involved,

http://www.thetvcollective.org/2014/04/23/i2ammedia/

Click on the above link to watch the #itooammedia video.

Check out the great work from the tvcollective

http://www.thetvcollective.org

Take a deep breath, relax and be appreciative of all you’ve done. We get so focused on what we haven’t achieved or where we think we need to be, that we often lose focus of how far we’ve come.

I’ve met thousands of people who tell me what they haven’t done, what they need to do, how people are standing in their way, how they are not good enough. It’s very rare I hear someone say actually this is what I’ve done and I’m really proud of it. It’s not arrogant to be proud of your achievements it’s arrogant when you get complacent, when you feel that you have nothing to learn, when you put others down or make fun of people because you perceive yourself to be better. That’s arrogance. To be proud but remain humble, to think “hey I’ve done a great job” but to also know that I still have much to learn all makes you a well rounded individual and better person.

Sometimes at the end of each week it’s useful to write down in a journal what you’ve achieved, what you are proud of, and what lessons you have learnt. On a separate page write down the things that are troubling you and ask yourself are these things that I have within my power to change? Are they important? This can give you great perspective, and clarity. I’m also a firm believer of laughing and looking at the humour of situations. Also if your best friend had written these things down, what would you say to them??

I like to say to people “know yourself” so get to know yourself!

The process of life is all about learning. Learning tasks, learning to communicate, learning about others but also learning about ourselves! We never know it all and if we think we do then like Cleopatra we are the queen of denial!

So keep searching, opening your eyes, take in your surroundings rather than hide away from them, consume information. Really open your eyes to those around you, and look at yourself most importantly and ask what can I do to improve. Now you need to congratulate and appreciate yourself but don’t get complacent. When you’ve told yourself “that was a great day well done, then ask yourself how can I be even better tomorrow” you’ll be surprised at what you can achieve.

Sometimes we judge our present and our future by what has gone on in our past. This can be a logical conclusion. What shapes us can often determine our reactions and actions towards work and relationships. This can be a very positive thing, learning not to cross the street until the green man is flashing or knowing not to put your hand in the fire are ultimately sensible and wise survival tips. However when negative things happen in our life it can be difficult not to repeat that negativity or to perceive that a situation from the past is going to play out in the same way.

We need to take a step back at this stage and think “what do i know to be true.” The wonderful Byron Katie in “loving what is” talks about asking yourself four questions , “is it true”, “can I absolutely know it’s true”, ” how do I react when I think that thought” and “who would I be without the thought”. By asking yourself these questions start to look at your perceptions, are you really shit at your job? Will life be really better if you lose twenty pounds. If only I was this or that then he would have stayed me..! All these questions I’ve asked myself at one time or another and some of the time I have believed them to be true. The same with “If only I worked out more I’d be in a relationship” (umm not necessarily), besides these things can build up as excuses to stop you looking at yourself and actually appreciating who you are and what you have achieved)

When you are in doubt about yourself this can often turn to bitchiness or competitiveness. How many times have we said “oh they have it so easy,” ” they only got that promotion because their uncle is the boss” or ” she must have slept with someone for that job”. What that does is simply show our bitterness. We forget at these stages to look at ourselves and think “I’m grateful for how far I’ve come by sheer hard work” we need to acknowledge that our journey is simply that , our journey and anyone else’s path should not affect us. If we truly believe that we are stuck in a rut and not getting the acknowledgement that we deserve then first of all we need to look and see what we can do to change that. If we can’t change that then we need to think how we can move on and out of a negative situation, whether that be a new job or getting out of a relationship or simply realising that self criticism is not helping you.

Being bullied at school and then at university feeling tormented by the rugby lads who’d shout “gay boy” at me amongst other things I felt very much like an outsider. This was something that I relished in at times as there were less expectations on those perceived as outsiders. It was also something that I was determined to break out of. Even when becoming popular I felt like I cheated and that I needed to not be who I was in order to fit in. I questioned “why are people friends with me, if they knew what I was really like then they wouldn’t be”. The more I’ve grown up and become more comfortable with myself the more those that were a negative influence or didn’t appreciate me have drifted away and I have amazing, wonderful supportive and kind people in my life. My family have always been amazing and supportive but my feeling of not belonging at school and to an extent at university would make me seek out people who didn’t appreciate me, and i became the consummate people pleaser, which after a while can be very exhausting. Be mindful of getting yourself into that same situation.

Isn’t it also interesting at work how someone we work with, or a boss, can instantly remind us of that bully from school, the mean girls, that jerk you dated or the one that got away. It can be something as simple as a physical likeness, an accent or a common interest that takes you back to being 13 and no one wants to sit with you at the lunch table. But what you need to realise is that they aren’t the same people, they may have similar characteristics but they are not the same people. We can also choose how we react as well, by mirroring the reactions of our 14 year old self we can be alienating people that actually might be good for us, or if they are bullies make ourselves more vulnerable to abuse. Now I know that bullying is rife in the workplace and we often can’t control the behaviour of others but we can control our behaviour and control what we believe to be true about ourselves.

You are all very talented and much stronger than you might give yourselves credit for. Keep focused on your goals and ask yourself when you meet a hurdle, is it truly because I’m not good enough? Often it’s just not the right time or not right for you, or you need to push yourself more. Be proud of your inner geek, use it to be stronger. Isn’t it amazing having been bullied, or not been popular or been an outsider, actually it often makes you a million times more empathetic, and aware than people that maybe haven’t walked a mile in your shoes, and that only has to be a good thing!